Happy Father's Day, love.

Monday, June 20, 2011

You've always talked about starting a pocket knife collection for our son(s).
There couldn't have been a better day to give you the first one.

Dear Alex,

Every day I find my eyes fixed on you, absorbing every inch of you, your handsome permanent five o'clock shadow, your stocky build that I love (and that you've come to accept will never fit into a pair of Wranglers like you'd like), every crease, every freckle, every mark on your skin, but my favorite, what I can get lost in, are those eyes. I've watched almost every important event unfold in those eyes, nervous excitement as we said our first 'I love you,' tears of joy as we said 'I do,' and now an unfathomable love as we find out we're going to be parents. Often times, I find myself wanting to lock onto you until I'm sure I have every piece of you memorized, for fear that I might wake up tomorrow and you'll be gone.

I love the way we fit together. I love the way we're so natural and comfortable wherever we are, in the car on a road trip, in the kitchen cooking dinner, in the bedroom folding laundry. I love all the promises of the future, the hope of our own home with our own kitchen soon and all the meals we'll make and enjoy together there, all the laughs, dances, and kisses that will take place before dinner. I love the way we move together. The way I step into you and you move in response to me. It's hard to explain, other than to say that we're completely in sync.

At the same time, I love that we can be unrehearsed. Every thing we do is one of two extremes, either completely planned down to every detail or completely sporadic. It's just. . . us. It's a camping trip, barely talked about, just thought up and carried out. It's a slushy from the gas station when you ran in just to use the ATM. It's a hike with no map or plan on where we're going. It's naps on the weekends while the laundry is drying. It's all the little things that make us, us. It's hard to explain, but I know you get it, love.

I say all this to make the point that while everything may not stay exactly the same when we add another person to this mixture, we'll still be us. We'll all be in sync, so much so that we'll wonder how we ever got along without this other little person tagging along. We'll be a camping trip with a little more to pack in the car, two slushies from the gas station, a hike with a napping baby in a carrier on your back, and a Valentine's Day diner trip each year. Things will change more than either of us can imagine, but eventually those changes will become what makes us, us.

I know it's the most common and cliche thing to say you're in love with your best friend, but I am. We're partners. You're my companion forever. We share everything. People say you shouldn't get too comfortable in your relationship because you'll lose that spark, but there's something to be said about comfort, about growing old with somebody, about knowing someone better than you know yourself. As long as we're both alive, I know I'll never have to be alone, and that's something. I love you more than you'll ever know, Alex. I can't wait to watch you become a father.

All the Love in the Universe.

Baby Update: Our first appointment is scheduled for June 28th - only a week away! We'll get to see the heart beat and find out how far along I am.


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