Little Things

Wednesday, May 2, 2012


02.17.2012  1:05 P.M.

There are so many little things I want to remember about you in this newborn phase - your tiny hands and feet that look like exact mini replicas of mine, the temporary dark blue color of your eyes, the little swirl of hair on the back of your head, the way you pucker your rosebud lips when you're asleep, how tiny your ears are, your round belly and sweet little button in the middle of it. I'm doing my best to document them, but I know that even pictures and words, no matter how hard I try, won't do the actual presence and memories justice. Someday I'll want to touch your soft head full of new hair, run my finger around the edge of your ear, kiss your soft cheeks, inhale the scent of your head and breath, or let you hold onto my finger with your tiny little hands. I'll want to listen to your hoots and goos and giggles, and see your first smile again, but I won't be able to. You'll grow. You'll change. You'll start calling me 'Mom' instead of Mama, and it's inevitable and bittersweet. So I examine you through the lens of my camera and try my hardest to be present in every moment. Some days I let the dishes sit where they were left the night before. I let the laundry lay in piles. I push all the lists out of my mind just to hold you half the day, to relish in your beauty. This has been one of the biggest challenges of parenting - letting go of the lists, the to-dos, the schedules, the goals, the expectations for the day, because nothing will ever be more important than your need for me.

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