Wednesday, January 16, 2013

I just have a few small thoughts today. I say that because I feel like a lot of what I've wanted to say has already been said before, but each month those emotions and words I share here just intensify. Even after 11 months I still can't believe you exist, here, now, from the cells of myself and the man I've loved since I was a child. I can't believe that those perfect fingers, toes, lips, ears, and eyelashes all grew within me, that your life began in mine. I run my hands across your soft belly a lot and think that someday it may be the place of origin for another human being, one that you will love as strongly as I love you.

Whenever I doubt myself and my impact on this Earth, you come to mind. You will be my greatest legacy. I think of the tremendous, intimate thing that I've been a part of and a slight smile comes to my lips, a haze comes over my eyes.  Of all the moments to be nostalgic about in my short existence, the day I brought you into this world comes to mind most often. Whether I fall or fly in the days to come, you have already allowed me to be a part of something grand. You are small now, but the days are passing quickly. We are in the final homestretch of your babyhood and it's bittersweet, like many things in life. I'm having such a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that you will be a year old in just a few weeks. I want to dig my heels in and slow this time down and savor it before we move into our next adventure, but I know that is impossible.

You're doing so many new things - I'm sure I'll forget one. You say Mama all day long, rip your socks off within five seconds of us putting them on, and stick out your tongue every time I say, "Can I see your tooth?" You shake your head no, which was very confusing at first since you were never using it in the right context, but soon we figured out it was a dance move - the cutest dance move ever. You love to play peek-a-boo, but you don't understand that you should hide behind something in order to fulfill the 'boo' part. You just turn your head, smile, and look out of the corner of your eye, then quickly turn your head back and start to giggle. You are energetic, passionate, opinionated, and joyful. You are becoming more confident in your ability to maneuver that body of yours each day. You're taking your hands off of things to lean down and pick up something beside you, using your walker more often, and you've even started trying to stand up by waving your butt around in the air on your hands and knees. Soon you'll be walking, then running, then jumping.

I love watching you grow.

Thank you for existing.

All the Love in the Universe,


  1. so sweet. i feel exactly the same way. how incredible to grow a human that you love so.

  2. oh wow. firstly - she is absolutely adorable! secondly - love the MCN :) thirdly - what a gorgeous love letter to your child. imagine her reading it one day!!! just beautiful :)

  3. Your thoughts are beautiful. I do love how they learn so much every day. Our littles are almost the same age, so it will be fun watching them grow together!!

  4. So touching! I have felt so many of these same things for each of my sweet girlies. Being a mom is truly a bittersweet, wonderful thing!



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