52 in 2014 • Week 6

Friday, February 14, 2014

06/52.

02.09.2014

I've had this itch lately, this itch to go and see and do and discover and adventure. Maybe it's the winter or this 'in limbo' time of our lives that makes me feel like our lives are at a stand still and I want to run from any and all responsibility, but I've been a little cranky because we can't. I do the best I can to be present and loving and patient and kind with you, even when I'm cranky, but sometimes I feel like I'm failing miserably. Lately you've been constantly asking to watch TV, refusing to read books with me, throwing fits left and right, refusing to eat anything that even resembles real food - I miss your smiles and laughs and love and 'snuggers.' I realized that maybe my crankiness had a correlation with your crankiness, so I just set it all aside for the night and focused on you. Some of my favorite memories of my mom weren't from elaborate vacations we took or even from any of the extra curricular things she was there for - it was the simple moments. Those are the ones that stuck. It was standing on the back porch and laying in the hammock contemplating what to do next, after I graduated high school. It was times that we all sat down and sorted through old family pictures, just because she stumbled on a box of them. It was simple crafts that she took the time to do with my sister and I when we were young. It's been a long time since you were able to fit in the sink to take a bath. I noticed that the sink was probably big enough here, so I put you in there while Papa and I cooked up a big pot of soup. You happily played and splashed for at least an hour and for that time, it seemed like we were back. We were who we were before we left Albuquerque. It gave me a glimpse into the future and hope that it won't be like this forever. We're going to find a home in Brooklyn soon and we'll all settle back into each other again.

'There are years that ask questions,
and years that answer.'
Zora Neale Hurston

8 comments:

  1. I can relate so much. I've felt confined for the oats 5 months and I'm ready to just bust out and do stuff but have been so far unable to do so. It's definitely made me cranky and that's bled out toward my kiddo too. Rough times. We will get through it.

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    1. I saw a video the other day of a little boy shouting into the sky "I NEED IT TO BE WARM, GOD! MAKE IT WARM! HELLO!' That pretty much sums up how I feel about this winter.

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  2. oh this are beautiful pictures, beautiful moments and wonderful words. so glad you recaptured that joy in the midst of a 'funk'. brighter days ahead for you both, im sure xx

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  3. Gorgeous. That smile. I hope she gives you more of them xx

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  4. Oh wow, tears over here. I can totally relate. Not sure what your "in between" is, but for me it was pregnancy and then an infant that seemed to put me on edge and had me feeling distant from my toddler. This is such a sweet letter and beautiful photos.

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    1. Oh, I can't imagine. That's the major reason I'm having such a hard time deciding whether we want another baby now or later or maybe even never. It sounds cheesy and helicopter parent-y, but I just hate feeling so disconnected from her.

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